can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
