some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
