I love black thongs
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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