I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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