From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize