I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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