are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize