the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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