So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
