this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
