and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
