when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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