I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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