I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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