What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
