I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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