She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Floor bacon is actually really good
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
