and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
