it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
