No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
