Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your penis caused this!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize