I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
