Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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