It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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