The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
