when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize