So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
