I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize