im drinking this country out of the recession.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
