i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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