you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
