broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
