Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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