Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
