dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
