I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
