I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
