Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
