Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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