I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
