I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
