there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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