and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
