Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
