i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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