did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well you can't waste a boner
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
