What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
