Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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