I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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