omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
