i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
