I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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