I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
