Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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