i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
