i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
