I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
