i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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