Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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