Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
