i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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