I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
