i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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