I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
