I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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