He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize