They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize