thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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