you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
